7.     When visiting the grieving person be sensitive about what you say. Here are a few topics that need to be taboo:  terrorism, other recent deaths, people with terminal illnesses and diseases, what the deceased’s will contained, life insurance, road kill, and other similar topics.  This list may same ridiculous, but you’d be amazed what pops out of our mouth’s in serious situations such as this.  We need to be careful with our words.  The things we say at this time will either be a source of life or more pain.   You want to be a source of life.    We had people who said some things that really helped us and gave us hope.  For instance, a neighbor called and said everyone knew Mom was a strong Christian and she was in Heaven now.  Hearing these words and being reminded of Mom’s reputation was very comforting. So before you leave your house, ask the Holy Spirit to give you just the right words to speak to give hope to the grieving person.

8.    Don’t turn into a theologian when comforting people.  Don’t try and make weird Biblical analogies or word picture’s.  Grieving people are too exhausted and upset to try and figure out what you are talking about. Also, never say that maybe some good will come out of this death.  While it may be true, the grieving person doesn’t want to think about that right now.  All they can see is their pain and their loss.  Just be there to comfort them.   Don’t try to help them.  Understand, you can’t make it better, you can just be there.

9.    Make the grieving process easier, not harder.  Don’t try and force your will onto the grieving person.  Don’t push them to do things or go places they aren’t willing to face yet.  Support them and help in any way possible, but don’t bully them to handle things they way you think they should be done.    Go along with whatever funeral plans the family makes.  If they want a viewing, respectfully agree and attend.  No one says you have to look, just be there for them.  If they choose not to have a viewing, don’t try and force them to have one. If they choose a grave-side service, don’t give them a hard time or complain about the weather.  Remember, be supportive and comforting, not demanding and draining.

10.   Finally, remember the grieving family after the funeral is over. Everyone is there to help during the first week or two.  Then, we tend to get busy with our lives and return to normal. However, their lives aren’t normal.  They are facing new levels of grief and new challenges in their everyday lives, especially the first few months.  This is a great opportunity to allow the Holy Spirit to use you.  Call them in 4-6 weeks and see how they are coping .    One of our Aunt's helped my sister by calling and checking in every couple of weeks.   Sometimes they just talked about girl stuff like shopping or cooking, but those calls helped my sister alot.  Send a card of encouragement to let them know you are still praying.  Some of the cards that helped us the most were the ones that trickled in months later.  If you have knowledge in a certain area, make yourself available.  I know my sister and I had many new things to deal with in the weeks after my mom’s funeral.  We never could have made it without the help and advice of a friend who answered every question we had for him.

            This gives us all a few things to think about.  I understand how hard handling a grieving person can be, so let’s end this article by discussing one fool-proof, fail-safe thing to do to help a grieving person.  When you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything. Simply sit with the person and let them grieve.  Let me give you an example.